Self love comes with a price

Meet Give Away Girl Loretta

I was getting a massage the other day and the masseuse, Loretta, began telling me her life story. (This happens alot.  I guess people just instinctively know I am a therapist…)    

Love photo credit: qthomasbower via flickr

photo credit: qthomasbower via flickr

To summarize, Loretta (at about 65) just left her husband after 40 years, started a new career, and is on her own for the first time.  After years of care taking of her kids and her family, after listening to her husband’s rampages and not getting any of her partnership needs met, she finally got fed up.  She walked away and started the life she wanted. Problem is, her kids are sooo mad at her they won’t talk to her. Friends of hers for years, aren’t supportive.  Meanwhile, she says she is so happy and glad she did this before she died.

It is sad that she has to go through this temporary cycle.  BUT IT IS TEMPORARY.

When people set boundaries,change what has always been; even if it is good for them, people get mad.  


What do you do when people get mad and all you are doing is trying your best to take care of yourself?

1. Try to detach.  Know it is temporary and that it will all work itself out.

2. Focus on your next best thing you can do for yourself that day.

3. Continue to reach out to those you love. Try to listen empathically but set healthy limits as to what you will tolerate regarding their anger! “It is okay to be made at me.  I trust that someday, my perspective will be more clear. However, you still need to talk to me with respect.”

4. Grieve. Loretta has alot to grieve, including all the giving away she did up until then. She will suffer from periods of profound sadness, but it will eventually pass.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s