Self Care and Body Image

Art drawn by my friend, Rebecca, who does her art whenever and wherever she can. Good self care.

Artist, Rebecca Kauffman, who does her art whenever and wherever she can. (Great self care.)

Do you “Fat Talk”?

I don’t know why we do it but most women I know are not great at providing nourishing care to themselves, especially when it comes to body image. I am guilty of it too.  I am the FIRST to start fat talking with my girlfriends.  “No pie for me, I am HUGE today…” They roll their eyes. Than somebody else pipes in. Most of the time, I eat the pie anyway…

I know, I know, I am a therapist.  I am not supposed to enter into the world of negative self talk.  It is not good self care at all!

But it happens.  Anyway, I found a wonderful blog about body image, self esteem and eating.  Please read it and sign up.  I did.

“People don’t want tools, they want pills!”

“People don’t want tools, they want pills!”
So, I am interviewing this editor for a publishing deal for the book I wrote. We were discussing whether to use the word Tools in the subhead. He made that statement above. I laughed hard.

I know it’s true. We all want a quick fix. We live in a world where there’s a quick fix or convenience for most needs and most problems. We can go online shopping, get a 20-minute oil change, get dinner in the drive-through … I even saw a drive-through funeral once where you could view the body from your car!

People in emotional distress often look for quick emotional fixes by drinking alcohol, abusing prescription medication, or just diving into a bag of Oreos and a big bucket of ice cream … all choices that fail to deliver relief. Emotional pain persists.

No quick fixes for healing the heart and mind
Quick fixes simply don’t exist for healing the heart, mind and fractured emotional framework of our lives. The good news? Reconciliation, forgiveness: these are just two of the salves that can begin healing the wounds of the present and the past. Either or both require change. We can’t set out to change others, but we can open our hearts and change ourselves. True change takes ongoing, steady effort. We are likely to get sidetracked and lose our enthusiasm. Sometimes, we lose our optimism, motivation and hope.

Help may be easier to get than you think
Stay with your journey — and take care. If you are suffering from emotional difficulties that are persistent (lasting longer than three weeks), I strongly encourage you to reach out to a professional counselor. If your employer or your spouse’s employer offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), you might be eligible for one-on-one confidential counseling as part of those benefits. It’s well worth looking into.

Until next time …

Stop With the Cherry Pie, Already!

Yes, we are all busy, but I believe that many women are making it harder on themselves and staying busy unnecessarily. Why? Well, I was listening to a 20-something girl talk, and she was sick and tired of doing so much. It went something like this:

“ I am trying to be the best worker, the best student, the best girlfriend, the best artist, the best reader, the best writer, a caretaker and a great athlete. I am tired of doing all of this! And for who, anyway?! “ You said it, sister.  Why are you trying so hard, doing too much?

The cherry pie that had us seeing red 
A good friend and I planned to make dinner together one night. Both of us were coming off a long day at work. I was looking forward to a glass of wine and some happy chick talk. Only, when I arrived Jane wanted to make a cherry pie from scratch.

“It’ll be easy,” she said. “I don’t want these Michigan cherries to go to waste. Let’s do this and then we can make dinner.” If you’ve ever made a fresh cherry pie from scratch, you know it can be labor intensive. I tried to tell Jane, but she promised me it would be a cinch.

We washed the cherries, deseeded them, mixed the ingredients. Then we got out all the equipment to roll the dough. After finding the equipment, it took us a while to finally get the dough right. By the time this project was done, we were both so exhausted we didn’t have the energy to make dinner and we had lost our happy, chick-talk mood. We women do this all the time.  Stop with the cherry pie, already! 

So, for you … do you keep things simple, or are you trying to make that cherry pie everyday?  We have so many resources to make life easier. Ladies, if you’re stretched thin, look for laborsaving resources, ask for help, or in the case of the cherry pie, just eat the cherries instead of making the pie.

(We could have dipped them in chocolate for crying out loud!)