Why I am worried about Angelina Jolie, Part I

Angelina Jolie
Photo http://www.flickr.com/photos/marcof/

I like Angelina Jolie for one big reason: She donates her time and energy to a worthy cause, the United Nations. (I hate it when celebrities start their own charities just so they can waste tons of money in start-up costs. When you sign up with UNICEF or the United Nations,you are taking a huge machine of good and making it go further, faster.)

However, I am worried about Angelina for two reasons:
1. She may be  “giving it away ” for her boyfriend Brad.
2. She doesn’t have women friends.

IS ANGELINA GIVING IT (“IT” meaning food) AWAY FOR BRAD?

Angelina is scary skinny. I am concerned she is keeping herself skeletal thin for her honey bunny, Brad Pitt.  Since she has been dating Brad, she is just so emaciated!

My suspicion about Brad Pitt  is that he loves his girls very close to the bone. Remember his long time affair with the skinny minny Juliette Lewis? Gwyneth Paltrow? Thandie Newton?  Heroin, anyone?

JENNIFER AND BRAD
When Jennifer Anniston was married to Brad, she was perpetually on a severe diet, and all she ever talked about was food…”Brad and I love when we can go out and get nachos … We love to do these banana shakes,” I would see her say in interviews.

Everybody knows that when you restrict your calorie count to crazy low levels, all you can think about is food. It is a survival/starvation thing. I suspect poor Angelina is working hard at not eating to please her man.

Girlfriend Aside: (I once had a girlfriend whose husband told her he wanted her to be super skinny, “so I can feel like when we are making love, I could possibly just break you.” EEEK!!)

NOTE TO GIVE AWAY GIRLS(GAG): NOT EATING TO PLEASE BOYFRIEND IS A DEFINITE GAG GIRL NO NO!  

Often times, GAG girls go to extremes to make their partners happy.

Stay tuned for the No Girlfriend Problem.

 

Snark Sharks! How to Keep Critical Strangers From Ruining Your Day

Snark Shark! Hungry for a bite.

What are Snark Sharks?
These are critical statements or aggressive behaviors from strangers that come out of nowhere and are freakin’ MEAN!    Let me give you some examples:

Example 1: Girl in line at ski resort. “IS that even a ski jacket you are wearing?! I have never seen anything like it. It looks like a windbreaker. You are going to be so cold!” she says loudly and wheezily (think Fran Drescher) in front of 10 other skiers in my ski class. “Yes,” I reply proudly. “FYI: This is what ski jackets looked like in the 90s, BEEAATCH!”  (OK, so I did NOT call her a bitch.)

Example 2: Strange man to me at a cocktail party. “I like your outfit … almost.” (Heavy and hearty laugh). What?!!!! (Remember the pink rabbit fur coat blog entry?)

Example 3: I once dropped off used books at a used bookseller, whereupon an extremely angry salesperson said, “Put those over there. We are not your JUNKPILE!” Eeeek!

What To Do When It Happens:
1. Come back with a tart reply that proves how smart you are and that they didn’t get to you.  You are made of nothing but Teflon, baby!

2. Detach and laugh about it. These people are just filled with yucky stuff that day and trying to spread it around like a farmer does with … whatever.  Don’t let it touch you. Put your energy else where.

3.  If possible, do not make eye contact and ignore completely. Energy wise, if you never engage it makes it less likely that that negative, toxic energy will enter your body.  I had a body language expert tell me to look at toxic people right above their eyes onto their forehead and they can’t get you riled up. It works!

4.  Be assertive back, if y0u want to. In the book example, I told the guy that his statement was shaming and rude. I used I statements, “I felt____when you____.” He blushed scarlet and I could immediately tell he had been treating me just like he had been treated as a child.(Therapists can tell this.) It was an important opportunity for him to learn about how his behavior reflects.

What are some of your Snark Shark Examples? What did you do about them?

What’s Your Body Language Saying?

I don’t know about you but I was taught to use good manners and polite body language and I am glad.  You won’t see me sitting hunched over with my legs spread apart and elbows on my knees during a conversation with dinner guests. For a man, that displays interest and is totally acceptable. The point here is: What messages do we women convey with our politeness?

The Azalea Trail Maid: Pretty and Poised
Growing up in the South, one of the most honored and revered positions as a high school teen was to be an Azalea Trail Maidhttp://www.mobileazaleatrail.com/ If obtained, this got you the opportunity to dress in pastel hoop skirts at major events, hold a parasol and bonnet.

As an Azalea Trail Maid, you get to stand there prettily, wave with your wrist only and smile. At the tryouts, you were asked questions about body language and polite behavior. My friend Tanya said one of the trick questions, was “how do you sit on a corner stool?” The correct answer: You sit with legs close together, knee to knee, pressing tightly. Everyone who thought it was an ankle cross, got it wrong.

In other words …
Women are socialized to politely take up less room and be more passive with our body language, even our voice.  We are socialized to convey weakness, passivity, and, according to experts, this conveys less competence. Question is: Does all of this get us less respect? What’s a girl to do?

Feel more powerful: Watch Amy Cuddy’s video.

• Amy Cuddy/power poses

3 steps to up your presence
1) Practice more assertive body language: shoulders back, uncrossing arms, walking more assertively. Take up a bit more space when sitting.

2) Use a stronger voice when making requests.

3) Simulate the body language of someone you admire. When needing a boost of confidence, practice that body language. (I once had a client that would practice her Wonder Woman arm cross in the bathroom before she stood up to her boss — it really worked!)

No drastic changes necessary. Good self-care could include just being more conscious of the message you send to others and yourself.

“People don’t want tools, they want pills!”

“People don’t want tools, they want pills!”
So, I am interviewing this editor for a publishing deal for the book I wrote. We were discussing whether to use the word Tools in the subhead. He made that statement above. I laughed hard.

I know it’s true. We all want a quick fix. We live in a world where there’s a quick fix or convenience for most needs and most problems. We can go online shopping, get a 20-minute oil change, get dinner in the drive-through … I even saw a drive-through funeral once where you could view the body from your car!

People in emotional distress often look for quick emotional fixes by drinking alcohol, abusing prescription medication, or just diving into a bag of Oreos and a big bucket of ice cream … all choices that fail to deliver relief. Emotional pain persists.

No quick fixes for healing the heart and mind
Quick fixes simply don’t exist for healing the heart, mind and fractured emotional framework of our lives. The good news? Reconciliation, forgiveness: these are just two of the salves that can begin healing the wounds of the present and the past. Either or both require change. We can’t set out to change others, but we can open our hearts and change ourselves. True change takes ongoing, steady effort. We are likely to get sidetracked and lose our enthusiasm. Sometimes, we lose our optimism, motivation and hope.

Help may be easier to get than you think
Stay with your journey — and take care. If you are suffering from emotional difficulties that are persistent (lasting longer than three weeks), I strongly encourage you to reach out to a professional counselor. If your employer or your spouse’s employer offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), you might be eligible for one-on-one confidential counseling as part of those benefits. It’s well worth looking into.

Until next time …