Why I am worried about Angelina Jolie, Part II

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WOMEN NOT TRUSTING WOMEN


The other reason I am worried about Angelina is that she has no girlfriends. BIG RED FLAG! She didn’t say in her interviews but I wonder if she is one of those girls that thinks other women are just “jealous and catty.” Anybody who is a woman who goes into friendships with other women believing that all women are b*%^es, will always act in a way that will get other women to appear “jealous and catty.”

For example, I had a girlfriend in college who thought all women couldn’t be trusted. Later, I heard her exclaim how weird my boyfriend acted when she rubbed his leg with her arm accidentally while changing the radio station when he was giving her a ride somewhere. Funnily enough, it was a bench seat station wagon. It took me a while to connect the dots. Pan to a scene starring me a week later …”Wait a second,” I suddenly thought, “what is she doing on a bench seat sitting so close her arm is rubbing his thigh…?”) That friendship ended eventually. And it is true, there are occasional toxic women out there that give us all a bad name.

Maybe Angelina was traumatized by a friendship. Who knows? Maybe she has difficulty making friends, is socially anxious and doesn’t know how to act.

GAG girl takeaway:
Some women do behave poorly to other women. I think that it is a societal issue that naturally happens with oppressed minorities in a competitive, capitalistic environment. However, if a woman thinks all other women are bad, watch your back because they are probably projecting their own ethics/behavior patterns onto others.

 Having strong female friendships with healthy compassionate women is good self-care! I don’t know what I would do without my gaggle of girlfriends.

Call out to Angelina: “Reconsider, hon. We are not so bad.”

Why I am worried about Angelina Jolie, Part I

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I like Angelina Jolie for one big reason: She donates her time and energy to a worthy cause, the United Nations. (I hate it when celebrities start their own charities just so they can waste tons of money in start-up costs. When you sign up with UNICEF or the United Nations,you are taking a huge machine of good and making it go further, faster.)

However, I am worried about Angelina for two reasons:
1. She may be  “giving it away ” for her boyfriend Brad.
2. She doesn’t have women friends.

IS ANGELINA GIVING IT (“IT” meaning food) AWAY FOR BRAD?

Angelina is scary skinny. I am concerned she is keeping herself skeletal thin for her honey bunny, Brad Pitt.  Since she has been dating Brad, she is just so emaciated!

My suspicion about Brad Pitt  is that he loves his girls very close to the bone. Remember his long time affair with the skinny minny Juliette Lewis? Gwyneth Paltrow? Thandie Newton?  Heroin, anyone?

JENNIFER AND BRAD
When Jennifer Anniston was married to Brad, she was perpetually on a severe diet, and all she ever talked about was food…”Brad and I love when we can go out and get nachos … We love to do these banana shakes,” I would see her say in interviews.

Everybody knows that when you restrict your calorie count to crazy low levels, all you can think about is food. It is a survival/starvation thing. I suspect poor Angelina is working hard at not eating to please her man.

Girlfriend Aside: (I once had a girlfriend whose husband told her he wanted her to be super skinny, “so I can feel like when we are making love, I could possibly just break you.” EEEK!!)

NOTE TO GIVE AWAY GIRLS(GAG): NOT EATING TO PLEASE BOYFRIEND IS A DEFINITE GAG GIRL NO NO!  

Often times, GAG girls go to extremes to make their partners happy.

Stay tuned for the No Girlfriend Problem.

 

Abuse Isn’t Just Physical

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ISOLATION

I have a friend who asked me if she thought her neighbor might be being abused.  “She never leaves the house, there are security cameras everywhere.  It seems like her kids aren’t allowed to play with anybody.  And come to think of it, I hear him yelling alot. Do you think anything is going on?”

Isolating is the most important tactic for an abuser. Less obvious isolation tactics are telling them that their friends and family are bad for them.  Telling them that they are better off being at home doing the work that is needed…One tactic a man I know uses is he makes the house a pig sty and doesn’t take care of the kids so she feels like she can never leave. Another popular tactic is rushing your wife/partner when they are outside the house with frequent cell phone calls about “where are you?!”

Abuse isn’t always physical.  Sometimes, it is being in a relationship with someone who is sarcastic and hostile about one’s appearance.  Sometimes, abuse is how someone is discounted in front of friends or laughed at. Sometimes, abuse is withholding support or trying to make somebody feel bad about stuff they shouldn’t feel bad about.  It is complex.  But, if you are feeling abused in a relationship, then you probably are.

POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL

There are all kinds of ways partners can abuse each other.  I like people to look at the power and control wheel and see if any of those manipulation tactics hold true in their relationship.

Healthy Helping Versus Enabling

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Spotted on my Saturday walk.

Spotted on my Saturday walk.

Do you love to help others? Good.

Do you sometimes help others in a way that is hurtful to you or them? Not so good.

What is enabling?

Enabling is when your help for someone results in their not feeling the consequences of their decision making. You rescue them from feeling stuck, getting in trouble or even from them not knowing what to do.

There are extreme examples of enabling/rescuing like:

  • Bankrolling your 27 year old adult unemployed child who smokes pot 8 hours a day and lives in your basement.
  • Calling in sick for an alcoholic boyfriend who has passed out (again).
  • “Helping” your boyfriend buy a new Camaro when he can’t keep a job.

And not so extreme

  • Covering for a “friend” at work who messed up and forgot to finish their work project (for the 100th time!).
  • “Helping” your son with his homework by, kinda’ doing it yourself.
  • “Helping” your spouse clean the kitchen because it is quicker if you just do it, even though he has agreed to start sharing housework.
  • Looking the other way when an employee you like, or a babysitter, is lame in the job performance area (“She has so much going on, poor thing…”)

Give Away Girls  BEWARE:

There is no need to go all ball busting on people to get them to shape up or ship out.  I mean, it is still okay to help grandma with her groceries when she is crossing the street.  GAG girls LOVE to be helpful. (We need that in our world.)

However, alot of times they end up doing more than their share, sacrifice too much for others, and end up resenting themselves into a tiny, angry corner. Or worse, they relish the sacrifice and martyrdom secretly for some self-esteem fulfillment. (DANGER!) That doesn’t help them or the people that should be doing the stuff they are supposed to do anyway. How are they going to learn?

Make your best decisions now in your relationships. It will do yourself good as well as benefit those you love and care about.